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Thursday, January 21, 2010

About Santa... (written in 2006)

I don't mean to sound like Ebenezer Scrooge, but I am trying not to panic here.
There are four more days left until Christmas and I cannot find the few items that my children have asked for.

I have finally resigned myself to the fact that I am not going to kill myself or someone else in these maddening shopping crowds and traffic- or deplete my bank account to find these items.

My children and family will just have to settle for whatever may end up under the tree (if it is still standing) and focus on celebrating the true meaning of Christmas...the birth of Christ.

I haven't addressed the first card, or baked a single cookie. Everyone from the teachers to the bus drivers and neighbors will be getting Starbucks gift cards and blueberry maple syrup from Trader Joes.
Why? Because it's cheap, I could get it in mass quantity yesterday- it's easy, and I need easy right now.

On a positive note, we do have our tree up. However, it has fallen over twice, breaking several of the "front of the tree ornaments"; yet I refuse to part with them, so they will spend the duration of the holidays as the wedged between the "branches of misfit ornaments", on the tree that is now wired to the wall.

I am a Christian, but I have to say that I am a little envious of my Jewish friends right now- a Menorah would be so much easier than a nine foot, live, "has to be Frazier Fir", tree that is a fire hazard and drops millions of needles per hour; requiring frequent vacuuming.

With a Menorah, you just polish it, place it somewhere, and pack it away. I really like that Adam Sandler, "Hanukkah" song too...

Oy, I mean, Gah! Or today, Bah! I may just throw in the towel and boycott this ridiculously tiresome, commercial part of Christmas and just stock my pantry with 4 dozen bottles of blueberry maple syrup.

I could make my life a lot easier if I just tell my six year old daughter, Anna, that the jolly, old, fat man named Santa, who flies around the entire world within hours, but bypasses third-world countries, DOES NOT EXIST!

This may traumatize her for a bit, but then I won't have to lie to her anymore and come up with the reason that Santa does not bring $1,500.00, high maintenance Parrots to six year old girls.

"He", can't even bring you the "Baby Alive" doll you wanted unless he participates in an auction for it on eBay, paying some exhorbitant amount of money because "He", can't find it anywhere else on the face of this planet. "He" refuses to succomb to the inflated price wars with certain ticket items and the mass hysteria that this season produces.

His elves don't breed Parrots, and they don't make "Baby Alive" dolls that urinate. Deal honey. How about a game of "Candy Land"?

Needless to say, the Playstation III the boys wanted will just have to wait for when the hysteria abates. Life will go on...

So- if you are my friend or family member, forgive me for my lack of holiday spirit right now. It will be a little latent. Oh, and you may not get a card this year.

Cheers, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

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